Most people on the planet today feel conditionally loved. What I mean by this is that they will only feel valued, appreciated and loved, if they act a certain way. If they are good. If they perceive as right. If they are successful. If they are doing what other people perceive them and want them to do. This means that people walking around in the planet that they have deep unmet need of feeling unconditionally loved. No matter what they do or don’t do. No matter what they are or are not.
At face value this idea sounds like a great one. This idea is so much part of many spiritual philosophies around the world. Go and look up how many quotes there are on unconditional love.
The problem is there is some serious shadow to this desire. Today I am going to help you look at that.
When we say “I want unconditional love” what we are really saying is that we want an unconditional relationship. We want a relationship with no consequences. We want a relationship no matter what we do or don’t do the other person will continue to value us, appreciate us, to the degree that they will feel good towards us. Never get into conflict suffering with us or want to lead us.
Before I go on when I say “conflict suffering” what I mean when you get into a lot of pain in a relationship. Either you end up trapped, that is what conflict suffering is. We are constantly fighting with each other. There are constant issues. But we are staying in the pain anyway. The opposite of that is abandonment. Because this relationship is going to hell I am going to leave you. Both are things we don’t want. When we are looking for unconditional relationships.
I want you to sit with that for a minute.
To want unconditional love. Is to opt out of a life where the law which operates your life is cause and effect. Is to want no consequences for anything you do and anything you are. Does that sound reasonable to you?
To want unconditional love is to want a relationship where there is no pressure on you. And no expectations.
What this means is that it is not love we are looking for. We are looking for that feeling of being wanted and valued to the degree that somebody pulls us in and keeps us with them.
We are looking to be wanted. I really need you to get this. When we use the word “unconditionally loved” we don’t mean “love”. To love is to take something as a part of yourself.
When you do this, you expand so that yourself and the other person are like two parts within you. You don’t abandon the part which is yourself. For the sake of the part of you that is the other person. It is simply that both parts of you yourself and them are both your concern. You have an instinct motive to meet both of your needs. And resolve both of yours pain. This means that in compatibility now matters to you immensely. You cannot feel good meeting one’s needs at the expense of the other. Therefore, to truly love you must recognise conditions. That exists for both parts in the relationship. Instead of denying them.
Did you hear what I just said?
To truly love somebody, you have to powerfully recognise conditions that exist to the relationship….
For more information click on the YouTube clip below.