Strangely and awkwardly no human being can ever grow up sane. Unless it has been loved very deeply by somebody else for a number of years in its early life. But, we are still learning what good parenting might actually be like. How good were yours? Here are 8 rules that you might use to grade them.
One, Attunement, A loving parent gets down to the child’s level. At times literally dropping down to their height when addressing them. In order to see the world through their eyes. They understand that a very young child can’t easily fit in with external demands. And that in the early days they must be prioritised and placed at the centre of the things. Not in order to spoil them, but in order to give them a chance to grow.
Two, small things, Loving parents understand that their young offspring’s lives revolve around details that are by any adults measure very minor. Toddlers will feel enormously happy because they can dig their nails into some putty or have a chance to wake their spoon into some energy. Or say “bah” very loudly. They will feel extremely sad because pet rabbit has lost one of its buttons or pages in a favourite book now has a tear in it. A good enough parent feels sufficiently resourceful not to hold it against the child that it is making a very big deal of making something out of nothing. It will follow the child over its excitement over a puddle and its grief over an uncomfortable sock. It will understand that the children’s future ability to considerate to other people and to handle genuine disasters will be critically dependent having had an ample fill of sympathy for a range of age appropriate sorrows.
Third, Forgiveness, A loving parent will know how to put the best possible interpretation on a behaviour which might seem to others to be pretty unfortunate. The small child is not just a trouble maker But it can be very upset by the arrival of a sibling. It is anti social, but it does find a small circle of familiar people especially soothing. It is not a nightmare. But, it does need to go to bed pretty soon. This capacity for imaginative and kindly explanations will go on to mould the works of the child’s own conscious. It will earn the art of self-forgiveness. It won’t have to torture itself for it’s mistakes. It won’t suffer the ravages of self loathing or ever when it messes up badly, be tempted to take its own life.…..