On the feast day of the Holy Family, we reflect on the story of Jesus being lost in the temple. Despite his parents not knowing where he was or what he was doing, Jesus was moving beyond the comfort and expectations of his parents. Joseph and Mary could not provide everything for him; Jesus had to seek something beyond them.
As children grow into adults, we are called to love them differently in each stage of their lives. Parenting a child in their twenties or thirties or forties requires a different form of love than when they were younger at ten or fifteen. Each child is unique and grows differently, so our love must be shaped with these differences in mind. However, as parents, we can sometimes fail. Our limitations and social conditioning can lead us to love in ways that may not meet our children's evolving needs.
Parenting requires us to grow as well. Growth is not limited to the first 18 years of life; it must continue throughout all our years. Just as tiny birds must leave the safety of the nest to learn to fly, we are called to encourage our children to grow beyond what we can provide. Yet, we often face psychological blocks that prevent us from loving in more mature ways. These blocks may stem from our need for control or reliance on old ways of thinking, such as saying, 'Do you remember in our day...' These structures, which once served us, may no longer work as our children grow into adults. Like Mary and Joseph, we cannot provide everything our children need. We must develop new perspectives, new skills, and a new way of seeing the world beyond the comfort of the family home.
Life often defies logic and fairness. Why does one child live to one and a half, another to 21, another to 55, while their father lives to 97? There is no sense or predictability in the length of our lives.
Ancient Indigenous cultures recognized the connection between life, suffering and death. Across continents and separated by thousands of miles, these cultures initiated their children into the greater world through rites of passage that pushed them beyond the safety of the family. For instance, in Aboriginal Australia, young Yolngu boys spend a designated period in the bush, guided initially by older men, other than their parents, and then left to navigate the land on their own using the skills taught by their elders. This experience exposes them to physical hardship, hunger, thirst, and isolation, teaching them endurance as part of the spiritual and physical journey to adulthood. Similarly, young Pitjantjatjara boys embark on solo journeys through the harsh desert environment, confronting vulnerability and testing their endurance by surviving extreme temperatures and scarce resources.
In Western culture, men today still need to learn the connection between life, suffering, and death. For women, this connection is often inherent in their biology, such as the 28-day cycle that brings reminders of pain, suffering, and renewal. This biological rhythm gives women an advantage in emotional maturity. Men, however, lack this built-in experience, which is why ancient cultures sought to initiate boys into men through challenging rites of passage.
To become a man, one must undertake a journey of suffering, pain, and risk. Yet, in Western culture, we have partially forgotten this wisdom. Modern rites of passage—such as 'schoolies,' skydiving, immersions to developing countries, volunteering to help the poor, completing a 800 kilometre walk on the El Camino Spain, or risky adventures like climbing Mount Everest—can fulfill similar roles, pushing individuals outside their comfort zones and into growth.
Jungian Psychology and the Second Half of Life
In Jungian psychology, life is divided into two halves. The first half is focused on creating structures, such as building a career, forming relationships, and achieving success. These structures are supported by psychological schemas and social complexes. However, in the second half of life, these same structures often lose their meaning. As Carl Jung said, 'We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning; for what was great in the morning will be little at evening, and what in the morning was true will at evening have become a lie.'
The second half of life becomes a quest for meaning beyond material success and societal expectations. It is often when individuals confront their Shadow—the parts of themselves they have repressed or denied. This confrontation is essential for achieving psychological maturity and authenticity. Transitioning from the first half of life to the second requires seeking a power greater than the self—whether one calls it God, being fully alive, or something else. Importantly, this journey cannot be undertaken alone. It requires others to guide and support us, along with activities that push us out of our comfort zones.
Life begins with pain and suffering, and it ends with pain and suffering. Why do we assume the middle will be any different? As Scott Peck writes in The Road Less Travelled, 'Life is suffering. Once we choose to accept this, we transcend it.'
A Biblical and Spiritual Journey
The process of growing up is deeply biblical. Major prophets like Abraham and Moses were called to leave the comfort of their homeland to follow God’s call. Jesus teaches us, 'Those who wish to find their life will lose it, while those who lose their life will find it.' He challenges us further: 'Those who do not leave father and mother cannot enter the Kingdom of God,' and 'Pick up your cross and walk.' These teachings remind us that life is not handed to us on a golden platter; it requires a journey that often turns our lives upside down.
Parker Palmer teaches that the path to wholeness is through our broken hearts. He shares a Hasidic tale where a student asks the Rabbi, 'Why does the Torah say that the law must be pressed upon our hearts? Why not place the law inside our hearts?' The Rabbi responds, 'The heart is too hard and rigid to accept the law. It is placed on top of the heart so that, over time, the truths of the law might slowly trickle in and be absorbed by the heart.' Palmer explains that growth often requires a broken heart. When the heart breaks, it can either shatter into pieces, perpetuating cycles of bitterness and pain, or it can break open, allowing growth, forgiveness, and renewal.
Conclusion
The story of the Holy Family and Jesus being lost in the temple offers profound insight into the journey of growth and transformation. Just as Mary and Joseph had to grapple with the realization that Jesus was moving beyond their guidance, we too must recognize that our children’s paths often extend beyond our control and provision. This story illustrates the necessity of letting go and trusting the process of growth, both for our children and for ourselves.
Ancient Indigenous cultures understood this deeply, crafting rites of passage that taught young people to endure hardship, confront vulnerability, and find strength in adversity. These traditions mirror the universal human need for initiation—a process of breaking free from the familiar to embrace the unknown. Such rites prepare individuals not only for adulthood but also for the deeper spiritual and psychological transitions of life.
Jung’s insights into the first and second halves of life further illuminate this journey. The structures that serve us in the first half often crumble in the second, making way for a quest for meaning and authenticity. This transition requires us to confront our Shadows, embrace suffering, and seek guidance from something greater than ourselves. Whether we call it God, the Self, or being fully alive, this greater power draws us toward wholeness.
The Holy Family’s story, ancient rites of passage, and Jung’s psychology converge on a single truth: “growth often demands letting go, enduring pain, and stepping into the mystery of the unknown”. As parents and as individuals, we are called to trust this process, embracing the brokenness and transformation it brings. For it is through these trials that we find the fullness of life, the depth of love, and the wisdom to guide others on their own journeys.
Journal and reflect on the following
How do the challenges faced by Mary and Joseph when Jesus was lost in the temple mirror the struggles of modern parenting as children grow into adulthood?
In what ways can parents grow alongside their children as they navigate different stages of life?
What psychological blocks or societal norms might prevent parents from adapting their love to meet the evolving needs of their adult children?
How do rites of passage, both traditional and modern, help individuals transition into adulthood?
What can Jungian psychology teach us about the shifts in priorities and values between the first and second halves of life?
How can suffering and brokenness, as illustrated in Parker Palmer’s teaching, lead to growth and renewal in both parents and children?
How do cultural and spiritual practices, such as Aboriginal initiation rites or biblical teachings, offer guidance for navigating life’s transitions?
Discuss with your family and community.
Song - Nichole Nordeman - Slow Down
Song - JJ Heller - Your Hands
Soul Surfer - It's Your Life (Francesca Battistelli)
Song - Nothing Else + The Heart of Worship
Final Prayer
Loving God,We come to You with hearts yearning for wisdom as we reflect on the journey of life and its transitions. Like Jesus being lost in the temple, we too experience moments of uncertainty, where the familiar slips away, and we are called to trust in something greater. As Carl Jung reminds us, the structures that serve us in the first half of life must often be relinquished in the second, as we seek deeper meaning and authenticity. Teach us, Lord, to embrace Parker Palmer’s insight—that a broken heart, if surrendered to You, can break open, not shatter, allowing Your grace to heal and transform us. Help us as parents and as individuals to trust the process of growth, even when it feels uncomfortable, to have faith that You are at work in the mystery and unfolding of life. May we love with open hands, guiding when needed, letting go when necessary, and always trusting in Your power to lead us and those we love into fullness of life. Amen.
On the feast day of the Holy Family, we reflect on the story of Jesus being lost in the temple. Despite his parents not knowing where he was or what he was doing, Jesus was moving beyond the comfort and expectations of his parents. Joseph and Mary could not provide everything for him; Jesus had to seek something beyond them.
The story of the Holy Family and Jesus being lost in the temple offers profound insight into the journey of growth and transformation. Just as Mary and Joseph had to grapple with the realization that Jesus was moving beyond their guidance, we too must recognize that our children’s paths often extend beyond our control and provision. This story illustrates the necessity of letting go and trusting the process of growth, both for our children and for ourselves.
(Audio Available)
